The Odd Year
by marguerrrita
Summary: This is your average fic with humour -(this is correct spelling because I am Canadian). Anywho, READ, RATE, and if you must, enjoy!
1. Hermione's Summer

The Very Odd Year.....

A.N: Alright. So I'm writing a fic about.... hmhmhm.... haven't really decided yet, so I'll make it up as I go along, k? Well, better get cracking then! P. S. Read and Rate if you can, although I don't really mind if you don't. Any who, have a nice day! And I write kind of slow, and this story moves kind of slow, so if you're impatient, this isn't for you. And don't click on the reply button repeatedly hint hint, because you're just asking to be made fun of. However, because I am so nice, and somewhat lazy, I won't do it this time. : )

* * *

Hermione smiled. She grinned at the sight of her new head girl badge on her black school robes. Even the terrifying image of her father dancing (in 80's style spandex) and singing to Thriller, by Michael Jackson, in a ridiculously high-pitched voice could not get her down. This year was going to be the best one ever, and special. Thus, Hermione had been extra prepared, and had gotten all her text-books, papers, pens, and feathers the day after she got her letter, got a haircut (that ended up disastrously, because the hair dresser took what Hermione said, "I want my hair to have gusto, and have flare to it" literally, causing it to go up in flames. Luckily, because Hermione's hair had been insured, so she got full compensation (4 pounds and a lollypop), even if she could just magically re-grow It.). Because Hermione was finally legally able to perform magic outside of Hogwarts, she de-frizzed her hair, and got a black tattoo (the muggle way would've hurt waaaaay too much), with a word-that-shall-not-be-named-due-to-its-offensive-meaning-and-nature-although-most-people-should-be-used-to-it-by-now-and-for-those-of-you-who-are-truly-dim-witted-it-starts-with-f-and-ends-with-uck-and-mind-you-it's-not-fire-truck inside a star, on her forehead (I'm kidding, god. She got it on her ankle, although I don't think getting one on your chin wouldn't be that bad either...hmhmhm....). 

After finishing packing two weeks early and being bored out of her mind, Hermione decided to jump out her window, onto the trampoline in her backyard. After feeling thoroughly creeped out by the new neighbour in the house next door watching her jump with binoculars through his window, she went back inside feeling, still not too bad, muttering to herself, think of being head girl, head girl, head girl, think of being head girl head girl...After that, feeling really great again, she decided to eat lunch, (which consisted of a hotdog and we all know what really goes into those, and micro waved fries which also contain...) drink (a papsie), sit down at the computer, but deciding not to use it, after realizing the computer's screen was on fire, and the room was quickly filling with acrid smoke. So Hermione decided to walk out of the room, and walk to her friend's house to say "hi". How many times did she have to tell her father to keep his pyromaniac obsessions to his study room, and occasionally the neighbour's driveway? Oh well, she wouldn't have to deal with it for much longer. Head girl head girl head girl.... Hermione thought to herself.

She arrived at her friend's house in a matter of days, and walked up to the doorsteps, asking her friend's mother whether she could just say hi to her friend, Robin.

"Oh I'm so sorry honey, but you just missed her. Robin left to shoo away the hobos from the local store (she lives in Columbia) It's her last shift for her summer job. Sorry hon." Said Robin's mother rather apologetically.

"Oh.... Ok, well tell her I said hi when she comes back" Hermione replied.

"Oh I will. Ok, well have fun at school dear" Robin's mother responded.

Hermione frowned as soon as her back was turned, and stomped all the way back (which is quite a way by the way, because England and Columbia are quite far, mind you. Oh, and how she walked all the way there, even though there is an ocean between the 2 countries, and even though she could've apparated, is well, because...uh.... DON'T QUESTION MY SKILLS AS AN AUTHOR!!!!! People in room stare, then slowly move away into corners, avoiding eye contact at all times) Well, so going back to the story, Hermione made her way back to England in a matter of days, due to the fact that she finally realized it would've taken much less time had she travelled 2 times as fast, and if she was going to travel 2 times as fast, she may as well have travelled 100 times as fast as normal, thus going at 300 miles/hour, taking her approximately 2 or 3 days. Very logical really, she even got a bit annoyed with herself for not realizing this earlier. Luckily she got back to England exactly 1 hour before the Hogwarts Express went out from King's Cross Train Station. Using the same logic and theory as her quick return from Columbia, she walked to the train station and got there just in time to catch up to Ron and Harry.


	2. The Incredulouthly, I mean Incredulously...

Hey, I finally came up with part 2...will come up with part 3 some day...Any who, the thirty second rule is not my idea, it is from Douglas Adam's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"(An awesome book, which I recommend to everyone). I also do not own any of the characters from this story, although 99 of the jokes I invent.

* * *

First Day!

"HEEERRRRMMMIIIOOONNNIIEEEE!!!!!!!!" Ron bellowed.

"ROOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!(pronounced as Rawn, not rune)" Hermione bellowed.

"HEERRMMIIIOOONEEE!!!!!" Harry bellowed, because he felt oddly out of place, if he was not shouting.

Hermione also bellowed, "HAAAIRRYYY!!!" Not because she was being nice, but because she looked at the lunch she had, and remembered she had packed it before setting out for Columbia. Thus, her sandwich had become hairy, even though it had passed the thirty-second-rule(The thirty-second rule: A rule created in the early 1900's by a muggle biologist who had discovered the negative effects of bacteria. The rule is that if one watches an object infested with bacteria, and if it does not move within thirty seconds, it is most likely not bio-hazardous, or living). Realising that it was rude not to reply when bellowed to, Hermione shouted,

"HAAARRRYYY!!!!", this time, referring to Harry.

"How was your summer?!" Harry inquired.

"Just fantabulous! Guess whose Head Girl of Hogwarts?" Ron asked.

"That's my line, you (insert word that seems to fit best here)!!!" Hermione bawled at him.

"So that's why it seemed a bit odd...I did notice how I seemed a bit odd saying fantabulous..." Ron said.

"ok, so anyways, here we go again. Just fantabulous! Guess whose Head Girl of Hogwarts?" Hermione said.

"Err, um you?" Harry guestimated.

"Yes! How did you guess? You're so great Harry! Anyways, let's get on the train before it leaves!" Hermione suggested.

* * *

And so the trio left the entrance to the train station, to head towards the train, only to go back to the entrance to get their luggage they had forgotten, and walked back to the train. Tragically enough, there were no more rooms left, so the group of three had to share a compartment with their enemy Draco Malfoy, and his goons, Crabbe and Goyle.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron walked into the compartment, which was at the end of the aisle, and were terrified at the sight of what they saw. Draco Malfoy, their arch-nemesis, had magically redecorated the room to be pink and purple, and was talking with a lisp to Crabbe and Goyle. That was the end of the nightmare however. The enemy and his friends were dressed in frilly white silk pyjamas, and had had their hair done quite nicely, if I may say so.

"...And tho I thayz to Tharah, Girrrl, that dreth ith jutht abtholutely fabulouth, and to die for. Tho I athk her where thee got it, and thee thayz thee won't tell me cuz I'm thcaring her! Can you believe her? Ugh! Like what is like up with that?" Malfoy thaid...I mean said. Goyle and Crabbe(thought I'd give Goyle the first place, because people always say Crabbe and Goyle, not Goyle and Crabbe) looked furious about Sarah, and tried to reassure Malfoy that he was absolutely normal, and gorgeous. However, they noticed Harry, Hermione, and Ron at the door, looking like they'd just seen a deceased ghost talking to a particularly ugly and warty banshee in Uzbekistan about plans of world domination, with a very high pitched voice in a Star Bux(I'm not surprised if the ghost and the particularly ugly banshee are part of Star Bux's mega corporationand star bux is spelled wrong on purpose due to copy right laws). The three feminine boys did a pirouette(they had decided that jumping when they were surprised was too predictable), and started singing Kumbaya. Rapidly changing the decorations and their apparel, Draco smiled innocently, and lost his lithp.

"What are you doing here? Thith, I mean this cabin ith, IS off limits to hobos(glaring at Ron), geeks(staring dreamily at Hermione...Oh wait never mind. This isn't a Hermione and Draco fic. So I guess he glared), and PMS-ing girls(glaring oddly enough only at Harry, due to his over-board mood swings and complaints)." Draco sneered.

"Well Draco, I'm sorry it has come to this, but can we please stay in your cabin? There aren't any others left." Hermione pleaded, feeling slightly confused by Draco staring dreamily at her, but then glaring a second later.

"On one condition. You must do as we say for the ride to Hogwarts! MWAHAHA!!!" Draco laughed evilly.

"We'll do as you say for 1/5 of the ride" Hermione replied.

"7/5" Goyle joined in, trying to seem involved.

"2/5" Ron replied.

"1/5"Crabbe also replied, trying not to be out done by Goyle.

"3/5"Harry said.

"Fine." They all said at once.

Dean Thomas then jumped in through the wall, which luckily enough had a hole in it, and said "Sold! For 3/5 of the ride to the lady with pubes growing out of her head, the guy who's head is on fire, the PMSing man, and the other boy. You know who you are".

The people in the cabin, angry at Dean's description of them and his mistake of a negotion for an auction, decided to throw him out of the ceiling, into the second floor.

Afterwards, Hermione just at in the corner, whispering to herself,

"head girl, head girl, head girl....Think of becoming head girl head girl head girl....Oh god, this is going to be a long trip".


	3. The Rest of the Relentlessly Pointless ...

The Rest of the Relentlessly Pointless Ride

Thanks for the reviews y'all. : ). Highly appreciate it, and...

Anna, it's nice to know we have fellow Canadians on this site! Just don't repeatedly send in the same review, ok?

And everyone else out there who's reading this, I don't care whether you guys burn the story, or have nothing to say. Just write something! I don't care if you guys just write "poo", or "meow", just write something! K, well have a nice day y'all.

* * *

The awkward silence that had been going on for the past 3 seconds stopped, as the students realized there was no point to the awkward silence, and more importantly because of the trolley lady...err, man....uh, come to think of it, something most likely in between the two, coming in.

"Hello mates! How are y'all today? I have a variety of sweeties and goodsies for you to buy!" The trolley mady(between man and lady) said.

"Ooh! Chocolate frogs! And Bertie Botts'! And the new Tha-bump-ing Hearts, loosening licorice, and Margarine Beer!" Exclaimed Ron.

"Oh good! I'm starving...Oh, and what are the new sweets supposed to do?" Inquired PMS-ing Boy. I mean Harry.

"They're some stuff Fred and George invented over the summer! Tha-bump-ing Hearts cause your heart to bump out of your chest, when a girl's near for guys, and vice versa. We got the idea from muggle cartoons because Dad brought home a muggle television, and there were these things called cartons or cartoons I think, where the person falls for a girl and his heart beats out of his chest, and his eyes go all heartsy. Loosening licorice contains some kind of a truth potion that Fred and George invented, so if you eat it, you keep letting rumours and everything you think automatically slip from your mouth. Oh, and Margarine Beer is like Butter Beer but it's sugar-free and low-calorie!" Ron bellowed.

"Oh nice! I was looking for a nice replacement of those saturated"

"fat full butter beers!" Crabbe interrupted Goyle.

So the group of children ("We are the Children" starts playing in the background. lol Mr. K's classes were awesome last year! sorry just had to say that) bought 10 saucer-fulls of each kind of candy(so that there's one for everyone, like Goyle said).

They decided to test each of the candy out, and some new other ones that Ron's brothers made him bring along, to see whether they would sell.........OOH! CLIFFY! OR SORT OF ONE! SO MORE OF A GENTLE SLOPE! GENTLE SLOPEY!


End file.
